"Not the victory but the action. Not the goal but the game.
In the deed the glory."

Saturday, July 22, 2006

Deal or No Deal and British Open Round 3

I am surprised they even played day 3 at the British Open today. From reading the stories online, they could have just given the Claret Jug to Tiger after yesterday's round. I was excited to see the final pairing today of Els and Tiger and looked forward to watching them play together. They have been saying all week that the people playing earlier in the day had an advantage scoring, and it looks to be that way so far. Woods and Ernie are walking off 17 as we speak, and they have both struggled today. Tiger is -2 and Ernie is -1. It looks like they are going to have some competition tomorrow, as Sergrio shot a 65 to put him to -12, even though he was wearing an outfit that looked like it came out of Saturday Night Fever. I'm colorblind so I'm not always the best judge of style and high fashion, but if you saw the highlights you know what I'm talking about. ****Update - Tiger bogeys 17 to drop to 12 under, Dimarco and Sergio are in at 12 under. We need a birdie on 18 Ernie!****

So, I was flipping through our 10 channels of cable last night before going to bed. Actually it is more like 8 because even though we only have 10 channels we have a TV guide channel (huh?, like you can't just flip through the other 9 channels in 30 seconds and see what is on) and an Army news channel. Who out there has the seen the show Deal or No Deal? For those of you that haven't, the premise is that you start with like 20 suitcases, and each contains between a .01 and a cool million dollars. You have one suitcase in front of you, which contains the amount you will win at the end of the game. You get to pick a suitcase each round to eliminate. Once eliminated, the pit boss in the back makes you an offer to cash out. So, what you want to have happen is that you eliminate all of the low dollar suitcases so the odds on you having a high dollar suitcase go up, causing your offer to go up. Inexplicably, the show is hosted by Howie Mandel (huh?), sporting a Dr. Evil looks with shaved head and what I believe the young hipsters call a "soul patch." On a side note, is there a rule book somewhere that says once your Hollywood comic career is all but over you must do a game show? There isn't anybody else out there besides Howie that is looking for work? I'm getting way off track here but I looked up Howie on IMDB and he has a filmography back to 1981. Did you know that he was the voice of Gizmo in Gremlins? I sure didn't. And who remembers that both he and Ben Stiller had talk shows in the 90s? I wonder if there is a website out there with the worst talk shows of all time, if so I can bet you that one of the two made it. Sounds like a project for me to start if it doesn't exist already. ***Update, Ernie almost chipped if for eagle on 18, ended up with a birdie, as did Tiger. Tiger is your leader heading into Day 4 at -13. I think they do the pairings alphabetically so it will be Woods/Dimarco and Els/Garcia. Should be a great day of golf.****

Okay, so back to the show. When I turn it on, gal has 5 suitcases left, 1, 50k, 300k, 500k, and a million. Nice! Her current offer is 299k. Nice again! So, she can walk away with the 299 or, say no deal and eliminate one more suitcase. Now, here is what was interesting, her support group (mom/dad/friend or maybe sister) is egging her on, NO Deal, lets keep rolling. You have 3 big numbers out there, don't quit now. But, her husband/finance/boyfriend, we'll call him Bob, who for some reason is holding a little puppy (huh?) is saying take the money, please. You can almost see the greed in gals eyes, we'll call her Sue, as she says NO DEAL!, the crowd goes wild, fists are pumped, etc, etc. Now, she had her suitcases pre-picked, and her list is taking care of her up to this point. So, she quickly rattles off #12. She is hoping that is the one with a single dollar in it. This is not to be. The model opens it up and wham, the 1,000,000 is shown. Ouch, worst possible outcome she could hope for. The greatest moment of the whole show was seeing the look on Bob's face when the suitcase was opened. It seriously looked like somebody punched him right in the stomach, he was in actual physical pain. Howie looks shocked, Sue looks sick, and the peanut gallery has their look on their face that says maybe we should have told you to take the money and run.

Oh, but we are not done yet, not even close. So, the new offer comes up, 144k. Not bad but not great. Apparently earlier in the show Bob has said if they walked out of there with 150 he would be thrilled. Howie makes it a point to walk over and ask him whether 144 was enough or if she needed to come up with the 6 grand. He basically tells Howie to screw himself he just wants the money. So, we run through the exact same scenario again. Her support group says No Deal, 2 big numbers out there (300k and 500k), don't stop now. The crowd is saying no deal, they know what is coming. Bob looks ready to hang himself with his shoelaces, pleading for her to take the money. Sue plays to the crowd, and goes NO Deal again. She even goes so far as to ask Howie if she can open the next suitcase, like that can change her luck at this point. WHAM! 500k. Howie looks shocked, Sue looks sick, and the peanut gallery has the same dumb look on their face, I can't believe that wasn't the suitcase with the dollar. Bob is almost catatonic at this point, he looks ready to go into a coma to ease his pain.

Time for round 3, the new offer is 70k, the 1, 50k, and 300k are still in play. At this point you know what is going to happen. It is like when you are at the blackjack table, you've built up a few chips, and your luck runs cold. Usually this happens right after they switch dealers on you and bring in the cooler or the closer, whichever term you prefer. Instead of walking away with your chips, you double up your bet, lose a few more hands, and then in a desperate plea to the gambling gods to even your luck, push your whole stack in for one hand of glory. You know what I'm talking about, and it always ends the same, a 16 for you and a face card for the dealer. You don't even really have to flip the cards over, you already know it is time to hit the buffet. Sue looks to her family, who actually tell her to keep the ball rolling. You have the 300k in front of you (yeah right), don't take the deal. She is pretty much committed at this point. I wish I could better explain to you the look on Bob's face, it was absolutely priceless. I am starting to worry for their relationship, if they aren't yet married I think at this point the engagement could be in trouble. If they are married they will have to hope the puppy keeps them together. Sue actually makes a comment that she is the kind of contestant that she hates when she watches at home. You think? So of course, she makes a dramatic gesture of NO Deal, you already know that the 300k was in the next suitcase, Howie looks shocked, Sue looks sick, and mom and dad are seriously rethinking why they agreed to come on the show.

Round 4. 1.00 and 50k left, the offer is 25k. Bob has shoved a pencil into his eye so he won't have to watch anymore and the puppy peed on Howie's shoe. Sue is running down her options. There are really only 2, if she takes the deal, it is an absolute certainty that she has the 50k in front of her, if she doesn't take the deal, she has the 1 in front of her. We all know that she isn't coming out of this with the 50k, no way. The peanut gallery finally changes their tune, she needs to take home something, so might as well be 25k. Bob has given up caring at this point, his new Silverado has disappeared in the matter of 5 minutes and he has lost all respect for his money grubbing wife. Sue reluctantly agrees to the Deal, although I was screaming at the tv for her to say no deal and come out with a buck. She takes the 25k ,and predictably she would have had the 50k had she said no deal. I haven't seen anyone more dejected since Milton in office space didn't get a piece of cake at the last birthday party. Good tv. Staying on the golf theme, it reminded me a little bit of that collapse by that French guy Van de Velde in the '99 British Open (who else can't believe that was 7 years ago). He only needs a double bogey on 18 to win, and somehow manages to drive it into the rough, shank a 2 iron, hit a grandstand, etc. And who can forget him taking off a shoe and sock and thinking about hitting the ball out of the water hazard. That is why sports are on tv my friends.


Anonymous said...

Nice play by play Steve. Really, I'm quite impressed. I felt as if I were in the audience with that description....You are to Deal or No Deal what Lyell Bremser is to Nebraska football.


Anonymous said...

Quit wasting my time. I don't want to hear about a stupid game show with Howie Mandel. I want to hear more about Beans.

Brian said...

Stories about Beans are good too, but Brandee is right. That play by play was great. Almost better than the show.

Brandee...that Bremser comment...solid. I don't think there are many gals out there that would draw that parrallel. Incredible Dan...incredible.